By Eronie Kamukama
Sometimes, I do not understand. Life seems very empty and I do not know how to make it full. It is as if my life is falling apart and I am getting scared each day that goes by.
The truth of the matter is that I am frightened by life’s challenges, true that I fear to face the tasks ahead of me. I am afraid that life may not turn out to be easy.
I am scared of what the future holds for me, this is the unknown future.
What is ahead of this life is something that I cannot predict. I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow. This is what scoops out all the hope and faith in my heart and fills it with fear, worry and sadness.
Sometimes, I feel very angry because life is not moving in the right direction; the way I would want it. This keeps me wondering if the rest of the future will be spent in anger.
I keep on asking myself why I cannot act right but then I ask myself why I should act right yet other people do not see any good in me.
They never appreciate so they always look out for the faults. They pretend not to see the good things because if they did, life would be much easier in the future and we would live in harmony.
Why do other people’s bad deeds have to take away the little happiness left in my life? I am not that righteous, I might be some steps away from being good but I am trying my best to make things even when hope for a better tomorrow is slowly fading.
Sometimes I want to cry but I cannot because I want to hold back the tears. It is not about being emotional but someone cannot know what kind of pain one is going through until they feel it themselves.
Sometimes I want to laugh but the huge lump in my heart will not let me. I just wear a faint smile so that I do not show everyone that I am being pushed against the walls and everyday they are crumbling to pieces.
As I all but fear, I ask God to give to me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can and wisdom to know the difference so may be one day I will be a better person.
When one day all my worries, fears, sadness, anger, hopelessness and weaknesses fade into thin air, I will get back my peace of mind and heart, clear conscience, pride, hope, faith and self-acceptance.
As of now, I want to deal with today’s problems and not try to solve all life’s troubles at once. I am on a journey whose destination I know not; the unknown future, but I will surely get there one day.